Jon Ray taught me how to hate men
If Jon Ray taught me anything about emotional warfare, you must immediately post pictures of you with smoking hot girls/guys to make your ex jealous. If you are snuggling or they happen to be kissing your neck ah-may-zing. The point is post break up to go out and have the time of your life. Now if that happens to involve hate f*ng a lot of random people so be it! Just as long as someone has a camera.
And if you want to make someone go absolutely psycho crazy with jealously you should do the one thing they always wanted with some random person you are yet to have any real emotional attachment with. Say for instance a romantic road trip the next weekend, dinner at a five star restaurant, or my personal favorite make your new fling a facebook official relationship. It’s the small things that truly drive people insane. So multiply your actions, spread the visibility and BAM those aren’t grenades to the heart, you just launched a dirty bomb.
Congratulations! This is the “healthiest” way possible to get over someone you were emotionally attached to. So if you come out with just a few flesh wounds you will be fine! No one needs legs or arms anyways. Just make sure you don’t fall into your own trap and check to see how they are doing only to realize they never use social media, or even worse that they have legitimately moved on without exposing themselves to countless stds, incurring massive amounts of debt (why do escorts accept VISA?) and wake up to realize it doesn’t matter if you win a battle in a war that is already over.
Wait. You mean the wars already over? But I’m confused, isn’t exerting complete and total dominance by appearing to have more fun the best way to get yourself over someone? If you want to have an emotional vault that you lock away any real emotional feelings and pain then yes. They say the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
But what about all the flaws and issues that were presented in the last relationship should you just completely avoid those? I mean let’s be honest you’re f*ing perfect, no flaws what so ever. The same issues may rise, or perhaps you need to not date a bitch/douche. Worst case scenario you can always just use the strategy outlined above to move on to the next one.
Thanks Jon! You’re rad!
Or mayBE I’m realizing I’m just angry someone knew how to play the game better. OH SNAP!
