Modern Twenty Something Girls are complicate. We’re emotional, volatile, intelligent, and yet make illogical decisions that makes perfect sense… to us. Most of our gender also likes the color pink which is a pretty awkward handicap in life. In an attempt to help the rest of the world understand why we are so adorable and yet unpredictably retarded at times I have been working on creating a cheat sheet to help you help us get what we want. @OrMaybe just take advantage of us in an illogical way that makes sense to us!
Lesson 101: Lesser of the two evils.
Take an average night out for dinner. The modern twenty-something female would overlook ordering a molten chocolate cake, but an extra martini of equal calorie value? “Waiter, another round please… go ahead and make that two.” We can justify being a drunk mess because we have already faced one round of adversity, chocolate temptation, and after meeting a small amount of success, “I said no! good for me!”, the logical progression is to reward ourselves.
In some insane way when we refuse one desired item we feel the need to overindulge in another. Say for instance you are at a party on Saturday night and someone offers you a line of blow, and you’ve been craving said illicit drug for weeks but for whatever logical intelligent reason you talk yourself out of it. And then for being such a champion of your interior moral compass you will sleep with your ex-boyfriend’s best friend. Nothing wrong with that, in fact we salute you for the free workout and stress reliever you just incurred for less than a mani/ped!
Because when females fight those inner urges and repress something they desire the elephant is really just moved into another room. We need to compensate. “I just turned down some enormously huge bad thing, now I feel the compulsive need to do something a little bad.” It’s a power struggle.
But the odds of going to dinner, refusing cake AND refusing a nice fruity drink?, chances are were going to go home and cry. Yup, that’s right. We need to release the bottled up illogical emotion that we call sin. And who better to present these moral conundrums for us than the hot guy at our side?
Now gentlemen, this is how we need your help aka how you use this illogical information for your own personal gain. Give her the easy way out and she will never feel guilty or repressed again. Say she’s been complaining nonstop about how her boobs aren’t as big as Heidi Klums. First, suggest she get a boob-job. Any self respecting girl will giggle it off as “oh No, I can’t do that” but fifty bucks says if you get her a Victoria Secret Gift Card with “Better than Plastic Surgery” written on the front she will rock your bed like a runway.
So remember sometimes placing a big evil in front of a little lady will lead her right into your slightly less evil plan.
Does this make sense? No? Awesome. Finally a niche to call my own!
If you have more illogical but completely reasonable female rationalizations feel free to email them to ormaybemail@gmail.com. I will be posting more lessons in the weeks to come.
Inspiration. It had been a few years since I could remember myself smiling so much. Mentally ignited in ways that can not truly be explained this is just a glimmer of the possibility I look forward every day.
Attention. Parties. And fun.
